Many of you may now know that there is something going on in
my life. I have either shared a little with you, someone else has told you in
my behalf, or you are about to hear it for the first time. The story I am about
to tell you isn’t just about me, it is also about YOU. You’ll understand what I
mean by that if you are patient enough to read all the way through this.
Today is January 31st, 2015. I am sitting in the
middle of a beautiful forest in Beavercreek Oregon. The sun is shinning, and my
heart is full. I just said a quiet prayer, and I would ask that you pause and
do the same. Ask the Lord how you should feel about this post as you read it.
This is about me, you, but mostly about Him.
I need to clear the air so I can continue being your
faithful son, brother, and/or friend. I have nothing but love and respect for
each person wanting to follow the dictates of their own heart. I afford you all, the freedom to choose,
that God instilled within each of us. I will be nothing but supportive in your
life, as you seek truth and light. You will not find this post full of
scripture references to debate, or criticism of others, I simply need to tell
you what is in my heart and mind. I believe what is placed within it was given
to me from on high.
To say that I am the same brother, son, or friend that you
grew up with, would happily be untrue. Isn’t the whole point of being down here
to change? It would be an insult to God himself to tell you that I am the same
person I was even just a few months ago. I HAVE changed, and I am so grateful
for it. I understand this makes moving forward in old pretenses difficult, but
none-the-less, it can be a glorious thing to participate with others as they
change. There is no other way I can put this into words, other than to say that
I have had a mighty change of heart.
The story begins in my childhood. I will try to speed things along…we don't
want to walk back through my life in detail, but I think there are some things
that need to be said.
I was born to parents who taught me about the gospel, taught
me how to choose, and taught me to be valiant in standing up for what I believe
in. I write these things to you now with the faith and courage that has been
the sum of others’ efforts in teaching me. I would not be the man I am today
without my parents, my sisters, my close friends, and the countless others that
have shaped and molded my heart and mind. Behind all of the individuals here,
God has been behind each interaction, each chance encounter, each success, and
conversely each failure. It is all part of His master canvas I call my life. It
is full of colors, both dark and light, but when you step back you see the
image. It is glorious to behold His hand in the details, and in the broad
strokes. Each has a purpose to the piece of art.
I was shy as a boy. I am shy. I like to keep to myself. I
would much prefer to read a book and think in a forest, than to be the center
of attention anywhere. In fact, my name actually means “God’s peace”. I find
God’s peace in solitude, in searching and pondering. Growing up, I always felt
forced to step out from behind my parent’s leg (in a healthy way). I was damn
good at sports! I was always too shy to go tryout, and every time a tryout
would come along, I would try and justify why I shouldn’t try. I remember my
dad dragging me out to baseball tryouts through my tears, only to have me blow
by all the other kids with my athleticism. I didn’t, and don’t like attention.
That being said, I have always had a very deep desire to know the Lord. Since I
was a little boy, I would read about Joseph Smith and desire to know God for
myself. Growing up as a boy, and looking around me, I had always felt that if I
really wanted to be “important” to God, I needed to grow my circle of
influence. This started at a very young age. I decided I needed to step out
from my shyness. I became a dedicated “church goer”. I was a leader in every
church program, Eagle Scout, assistant to the president while on my mission,
etc. The list goes on and on. I was building my “resume” to know God. I
continued on, marrying in the temple, starting a family, paying tithing to the
Lord, attending the temple regularly, and serving others in the church. There
are a few very important events that happened to me as a young man, and more
specifically, there are four very specific events of my life that were shaped
by God. I have no doubts about it.
The first event was the divorce of my parents. Mom and Dad,
forgive me if I say anything painful. I want you to know that I am so grateful
for exactly where I am today. I would not trade that experience for a happy
family on a Christmas card. Unfortunately it has come at the cost of a lot of
pain for all parties, but it was a lesson I needed to learn. A lesson, we all needed apparently. I
have no interest in pointing fingers or blaming anyone or anything, my only interest
is to share how God shaped me through that experience. It wasn’t a shocker to
Him. I realized quickly at the age of 14-15 that people make mistakes. Anyone
can, and everyone does make mistakes. I learned to never rely on the arm of
flesh. That sounds cliche, but in a very real, close to home way, it is a part
of me. That experience taught me to NEVER rely on ANY man or woman (prophet,
father, mother, sister, brother, friend, priest, bishop…..you get the point). I
didn’t realize it at the time, but now I know that it is what that experience
taught me. Man is NOT to be trusted. This is includes myself obviously.
The second event occurred a couple of years later when I
tried out for a musical called “Brother Joseph”. Wouldn’t you know it, I was
cast the role as Joseph. It involved countless rehearsals, meetings, and
preparations. I tried to embody the prophet Joseph in that play. I gained a
very strong testimony of Joseph and his work. I believe in all that Joseph
restored. I believe in the book he translated, and I believe his testimony. I
remember specifically standing on stage in one of the rehearsals and singing
the words “this was not my intention, all I sought was some reply” and being
overcome with a burning from within. I immediately continued singing out of
tune because I was overwhelmed. One of the nights after a performance was the
anniversary of Joseph’s martyrdom. I was walking the temple grounds, looked up
at the moon, and it had just a hint of red. I thought, surely he was a prophet.
Since then I have always believed in Joseph’s mission.
The third event was serving a mission in Brazil. There was
one night in particular that I felt the Savior near to me. I had been out
walking my ass (sorry mom) off all night. I was dirty, tired, and thirsty. We had walked
that whole day pleading with people to hear the message of the Book of Mormon.
It felt so sad that no one would listen. Everyone was too busy heading off to a
movie, eating dinner, etc. I walked into my little apartment at the end of the
day, plopped down on the chair and rested my head on top of my fist. I felt Him
right then and there comfort me. I came to know Him just a little better in
that moment. He had dealt with the same rejection and much worse throughout his
mortal ministry. He had been rejected by His own, they had cast Him aside as a
thing of naught. He wasn’t grand or glorious enough to be GOD. He came as
jesus, but they wanted JESUS CHRIST THE ALL MIGHTY. His ministry was humble, it
was personal, and it was meek. He came and went, and Jews and their leaders
hardly noticed. We read through a much different lens today, but in His day, it
made the headlines for a couple days, came and went without much notice by
anyone. He brought an uncomfortable message, to a people in captivity. He
surely didn’t seem like he was delivering anyone, even in death. That
experience and others helped me to realize who the Lord is. He doesn’t ever
compel. He doesn’t ever coerce. He doesn’t ever take agency. He meekly and
simply abides with those who know Him; who want what He offers. Throughout my
mission I learned these principles. He HAS all power, but He understates it. We
have very little power, but we dramatically OVERSTATE it. Being on my mission
also gave me opportunity to read the book of Mormon over and over again. I kept
seeing these cycles of light and dark, light and dark, with dark always
seemingly creeping in over time, only to be restored by a true messenger. I
read about repentance, the sacrament, baptism, and on and on. I always wondered
why there were small discrepancies in what I was reading in our canonized
scripture vs. how we practice these things today. Specifically repentance was a
topic I then, and have since thought a lot about. Why is repentance for one
young man sufficient, but for the other it isn't? Why am I allowed to serve,
and another isn’t due to "serious sin", when we LITERALLY both need
repentance equally. “God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of
allowance”. Did you catch that? THE LEAST degree. The second you sinned, you
departed from God. Only constant and repetitive repentance can ever return us
to His face. Christ’s covering atonement can cover the least of these sins, to
the greatest (shedding of blood). Though your sins be as scarlet (shedding of
blood), they can be white as snow (His covering). It is only required of us to
forgive ALL men. ALL. Not just the ones with itty bitty sin that are “worthy”
to serve the Lord. We are all unworthy to serve the Lord! He is something, we
are nothing. He is great, we are small. We are naked, he has clothes to give.
No matter what your sin is, if you turn to Him with full purpose of heart in
this moment, or any other moment, He will forgive you “as easy as water”. There
are too many examples to count throughout scripture. Weakness is GOOD. God GAVE
us weakness as a gift. It is the great knee bender. It is what brings us to Him
thirsting for forgiveness and seeking his approval. This brings me to my last
event. This is more of an ongoing event.
WEAKNESS! MISTAKES! SIN! DISAPPOINTMENT! The great
knee-benders. I can come to you and say this with all my heart, I am
nothing!!!!! I thought I was something. I was wrong. He is something. You are
nothing. God sits at the top of a mountain, we both sit in the valley. Just
because your head might be 3 inches closer to the top of the mountain than
mine, doesn’t mean you are any closer in the scope of Godliness and worthiness.
I do not need to get into all my personal failings, if you feel it is important
for me to share them with you on a personal basis, I’m happy to do such. I have
no shame in my errors. I have given them away, and I am grateful for them. They
have brought me here. They have been many, they have been dark, they have been
hurtful, they have brought me to the brink of destruction. There is nothing you
can not bring to the Lord to have erased from your conscience. There is no
repair he can not, nor any repair He is not willing to make. It took my deep
prayer and a real effort to reach upward to realize my nothingness, and His
greatness. I would not have sought for anything more without personal weakness.
I would have been content as a bean building my God “resume”. God sees us so
much differently than we see each other or ourselves for that matter. His
“resume” is within our hearts and within our service to others. This ivy league,
clean shaven, sharp suit, wealthy, articulate, and comely image we try to
portray is nothing but utter rubbish. If I have ever offended you, if I have
done anything to hurt you, whatever I have done, I am so sorry. I forgive
freely any and all that have ever trespassed against me. I have no ill will at
all. Please forgive me the same, or open the dialog so I might make amends.
There isn’t a person alive today that I hold a grudge for. To the contrary,
that each may follow their heart with a clear conscience before all men. My
greatest testimony of Christ is His forgiveness, His love for every one, and His
willingness to wipe all sins away if we truly seek Him and set aside all. I
have learned through my weakness, what love is, what marriage is, and conversely
what love isn’t, and what marriage isn’t.
What am I trying to say? What does this all mean?
The Lord placed me on this path decades ago. I feel
closer to Him now, than I ever have. My intentions are pure; to come unto Him.
The things He has been teaching me, and the things I have been forced to take
in every Sunday have been drifting further apart at an alarming rate. This has
been a result of the Lord’s work in my life, and no other man. In 2009, I made
an absolute plea to the Lord. I found a mountain and prayed to know Him
personally (the fullness of the Gospel). I know he heard that plea. Soon after
making the plea, I “stumbled” into the book “The Second Comforter: Conversing
with the Lord through the Veil”. The author of this book is a man named Denver
Snuffer. The same spirit that animated my repentance process, my desire to seek
the Lord, taught me those important lessons on my mission etc, is the same
spirit that animated the purchase of this book. I read the book in about 2
days. I knew its words of receiving the Lord for ourselves were true. It was a
direct answer to my prayer. I asked God flat out “How do I come to know you?”,
and a week later I stumbled into further light and knowledge.
The book actually
claims to be an instruction manual for receiving the Lord in the flesh, as the
author claims to have done on numerous occasions. At the time, I thought
nothing about separating the terms gospel of Jesus Christ, and “the Church of
Jesus Christ”. I thought of them fairly synonymously. I was IN the gospel
because I was a member right? Anyway, so at this time, this author Denver
Snuffer was a fully endowed, fully active, fully serving Mormon. I began
recommending this book to many friends, and some family because of the mighty
change it had brought about in my heart (this was the same time I decided to go
back to school and become a pharmacist). I felt inspired, I felt the Lord close
to me, and I believed that book to be inspired of God for people like me that
were seeking the Lord in the flesh. There were subsequent books and concepts
presented, all claiming to be specifically directed by the Lord to come forth.
Now when I say the author claims they were coming from the Lord, I am not
mincing words. His claim is that He has, and is regularly speaking with the
Lord face to face to receive instructions and deliver them. All of His books
are centered around Christ, the scriptures, and church history. It is nothing
more than a man expounding OUR scriptures the way the Lord expounded them to
him. One of the books this man wrote was about the early history of the church,
using the doctrine and covenants coupled with church history. Due to the ideas
this man presents in this book, he was excommunicated from the church. I have
read all of his books, along with all the standard works and many other “LDS
approved” books. The only thing this book really did, was paint a negative
picture of how the church took over after Joseph Smith’s death, and how we
might try and learn from some of the mistakes of the early saints. I don’t
really need to get into it at this point, and if you are interested, you should
go read it yourself and make your own determination if you think it was an act
worthy of such a harsh reaction. In any event, it was a very confusing time for
me. On the one hand, I knew the church was imperfect, that it had flaws etc,
but that it was “the only true and living church on the face of the earth”…and
I do believe for a time it was. However I know who had animated my sincere
repentance, it was the Lord. He WAS speaking through this man Denver, I knew
that much. But how could they both Denver and the general authorities be
speaking to the Lord but not in accordance with one another. This is where my
real study began. Someone had to be right, and someone had to be wrong. (sound
familiar?) They were both claiming to speak to the Lord, yet they were sending
different messages. I have simply given much thought, time, attention, and
prayer to the matter over the last year specifically. I am sad to say that I
can no longer support the hierarchy of the LDS church in tithing or by sustaining vote. I’m only sad because I
know how this will make you feel about our relationship in some way. I will
feel a bit lost to you and maybe misled and confused. That’s OK! That’s the
beauty of it down here. We don’t have to judge! We each have our own path, and
I believe this one to be mine. So I am taking the steps to follow it. I believe
this man speaks for the Lord. I don’t care who he is, what his name is, what he
does, etc. The Lord he speaks of, is the one I have come to know on my own
through all of YOU! He is the one that seeks the lowly and the least, isn’t
concerned with money or power, and finds the beggar and makes her whole. I am
receiving, not following.
Other than not being willing to support the hierarchy of the
Church, my beliefs are in conformity with the church. I believe I am in
conformity with the book of Mormon in all my beliefs, but that is for you to
decide. I simply will not sustain (recently defined as an oath like indication)
the leaders as they currently sit in their jurisdiction. I do not believe in a
paid clergy, nor that any man on earth holds any key to my salvation. I believe
the Lord has removed their authority, and that in the near future it will all
come to light as the decisions made lean more and more towards popular
lucrative culture, and further away from God. I want to be clear, I am not
criticizing, I am saying I (Jeff Reber) do not support these ideas. You are
free to feel and worship however you see fit. I believe in baptism (in fact I
am being baptized again just as the Nauvoo saints practiced), I believe in the
sacrament (we are taking it every Sunday at home), I believe in Joseph Smith, I
believe in the bible and book of Mormon. I believe in modern day prophets, I believe
in Christ! He is my Lord. He is worthy of worship. I will not pledge allegiance
to anything else or anyone else. There is something new being offered to all of
us right now. For the first time in 200 years the restoration is now once again
underway. There is a lot of explaining to do with that topic, but that is for
another time. The Lord is calling, beckoning for any to come and participate
that can cast aside their traditions. I know this is my calling in life. It has
changed from the core of my soul, and outward. Because I believe these things,
I can not have a temple recommend, I am not allowed to teach, I can’t hold
“positions” in the church etc. I have no grudge or ill will, the church has the
right to exclude my beliefs. They can tell me what I can and can’t say within
the walls they own. That’s ok with me. I am so very grateful to the church.
Where would I be, and what would my life be like without it!!! I have a
testimony of the book of Mormon, of Joseph, of Christ, of prophets etc. I just
believe they happen to be different men that currently sit at the top of the
Mormon church, and that’s ok! Isn’t it? Isn’t this why God created our country,
for freedom. Not freedom from commandments, or laws, but freedom to walk in the
path we feel God has placed before us. That is freedom. Anything else is
captivity. I am not sure what will happen to my membership in the church, but
frankly I don’t care. I have to follow my heart. If I could stay, teach and
serve, and speak openly, I would. If I have to hide, cower, and be quiet, am I
being true to myself? No
This might be the first time you hear of this movement, but
you will know more and more people that come to this conclusion. There is a
group of about 20 of us right now just in the northwest that are meeting every
few weeks. We are collecting tithing to help with each others' needs, renewing
baptism covenants, partaking of the sacrament, singing, praying, reading
scriptures, and worshiping in comfortable clothes. There are thousands of
others being forced out of the church that are finding each other through
social media outlets. These are your every day, formerly very active LDS
members, and they are going through some very hard times. Some sit in very
prominent positions in their wards and are being forced to go through some very
hard publicly addressed issues. In fact every member of the group here in the
northwest has been devoutly Mormon, even some up until a couple months ago. The
leadership of the church is very aware of all of this. I am sure I will either
be excommunicated or forced to resign to have claimed a loss in God’s authority
amongst the brethren. That’s ok, I am not seeking their approval or yours anyway.
I am seeking confidence in the sight of God, and following the instructions
engraven upon my heart.
I don’t want to get into all the details. The information is
readily available to all. If you want to hear either side of the argument for
or against Denver, for or against the leadership of the church, for or against
any topic written by any man, you have all the resources you need. My only
prayer is that if you feel any kind of stirring, study it out for yourself!!
Don’t listen to some knee jerk reaction from someone that hasn’t spent any time
with any of the material. Don’t listen to me. The way to God is only achieved
through careful study, thought, and labor. Joseph taught that.
Here is my simple declaration at the end of this long
letter. It comes from my heart, I don’t care about proper grammar, or leading
you in some direction. I LOVE YOU!
I frankly declare that Denver Snuffer is a prophet of God,
speaking for Him in these last days. There will be other prophets that will
rise up and declare repentance, just like in Lehi’s day. The second coming is
rapidly approaching. The time is now to prepare. Some physical preparation is
necessary, but it is the spiritual preparation that will save you. Come unto
Him in prayer, He is YOUR maker, He wants to come to you and guide you through
these last days. He is now re establishing the pattern of the book of Mormon
with baptism, the sacrament, and trying to establish Zion for this last time
until the end is here. These events will transpire in OUR generation. This is
not a distant day. There are things underway that will shake every latter day saint’s
testimony of the Church. Men’s hearts will fail them thinking all was a lie and
the end is here. All is not lost. There is another dialog being sent forth,
there is a way to follow the Lord when the hierarchy crumbles. This is your
day, my day, your time, and your story to show if you will follow the Lord or
not. It is up to each of us to make that determination. He can make all these
things known unto you! I know some of you may think I am crazy, but I am saying
these things because I LOVE YOU, and I believe them to be true. I have no other
agenda. If I am leading you astray, or away, or persuading you, I am sorry. I
am not intending to do anything but help you the same way the Lord has helped
me. There is no institution that will bring Zion. It will only come through
enough people rising up to meet their Lord. Coming unto Him and gathering as a
body of people. Freedom of race, religion, sex, age etc. It is free to all! The
only requirement is to believe in the doctrine of Christ (repentance, baptism)
and to be of one heart and one mind. That is what is needed to bring Zion. I
don’t care if you are Mormon, Lutheran, Protestant, etc, it is free and
available to all peoples. He is beckoning. The net has been cast, He is asking
all to come in from the streets and byways to the wedding feast. Those who were invited,
would not come.
This is not my message, this is my testimony. I hope to meet
the Lord in the flesh one day. I hope he spares my family and friends from the
impending destruction that will soon be apparent. However, I don’t have that
assurance yet of safety. I haven’t connected fully with Him, which is why I
might seem distant to some of you. I have awoken from a deep sleep to see my awful
state, and I am doing everything I can to be made clean through the Holy One.
Whatever your journey is, I will support you in that journey. I will not try to
break down your beliefs, I know I struggle with that sometimes and I am very
sorry! I have a hard time not sharing my excitement and joy at what is being
offered. I do not want to mince words here. I believe what I am saying is of
vast importance. This message may be the difference between being spared or not
in these last days. It will not be enough claim “Lord, Lord”, we will each need
a personal relationship with Him. Not in feelings, in the flesh. Not in ideas,
in reality. Not in scripture, in personal witness. God is good! He loves us, He
wants us, He pleads to the Father in your behalf. Go to Him and ask what you
need to know. He Lives. I will not stop seeking His face through this mist of
darkness. Lehi was lead in his dream into the mist of darkness by a man dressed
in white. It wasn’t until hours later wandering in darkness with that man in
white, that Lehi prayed to God for knowledge and to be delivered. The mist
disappeared at that time, and so did the man in white.
I created this
blog so that I could share my journey with you if you want to know where I
stand or if you have any interest. I don’t know how often I will be able to
post over the next couple of months, but I am committed to make a record of my
journey. It may be in greater detail than anyone would want, but it will also I
hope be a record and testimony for my kids. I am also going to make some other entries for those that
are not previously Mormon. A lot
of what I have said will make sense to an LDS audience, but make no sense to
someone raised without religion or belonging to a different religion. I
apologize for any errors I make in grammar, thought, or teachings. It isn’t my
intention to seem well studied, or perfect in expression. Any error is
attributable to me, and any good that comes from any of this, please do not
think it has anything to do with me. It is all about Him. I’m simply sharing
what He has put in my heart. All we do, all we try to become, has everything to
do with Him, and to no one else.
I pray in some future day we will all be of one heart and
one mind. To be an acceptable group to let Zion come. A place of God’s peace, a
place to roam free in thought and action, a place to wonder and explore without
fear, a place where all men are equal, all are nourished, all are blessed with
the “words of God”…coming from His lips. My email address is
Jffreber@gmail.com. If you want to
continue the dialogue in a non-confrontational, non-contentious way, I am all
for that. I appreciate your opinion even if it is different than mine. Can’t we
all be patient in the journey the Lord has placed before each of us? It is uniquely
yours, and I love it, and mine is uniquely mine, and I love it. You are all
part of my story. Peace out homies. You know where to find me.
My sense of humor unfortunately is never going to change.
