On February 1st, 2015 at 4:30pm I went to meet
with my bishop. It didn’t dawn on me until right before our meeting that I had
scheduled this meeting right as the super bowl was kicking off. Anyone who
knows me, knows that I have been an avid sports fan throughout my life. The
super bowl hadn’t even crossed my mind during all of this. I find it incredibly
ironic to my nature, that I had scheduled a meeting to discuss the things of
God at the precise time the Superbowl would be kicking off, and I did it
completely unawares. Back to the meeting…
I took the pressure of at the beginning and frankly told him
I knew he was going to have to take action, and that I would willingly comply
with whatever he saw fit. On that note, it was a wonderfully cordial meeting.
He is such a wonderful man; so humble, so willing to serve the Lord. I by no
means think myself closer or more willing to serve the Lord than any other
Latter Day Saint. In many instances I find myself far less appealing to the
Lord than those humbly serving in the church, or any other church for that
matter. The humble servants that abide at the ward level in the church are
truly trying to serve the Lord the best they can, and succeed frequently in my
estimation. Members of the church are generous, giving, loving, patient, kind,
moderate, diligent, and hard working. If I could maintain my beliefs openly and
serve with them, I would. If my beliefs did not offend, I would happily, and be
relieved to find myself in their midst. I made it very clear to the bishop that
I felt these things about him as well, and about the ward here. These are they
who are trying to be the Lord’s sheep. These are they who are giving of their
time, attention, and money to a cause that does much good. While I was able to
freely speak of the goodness about the members to him, unfortunately I also
felt I needed to share my testimony of what I believe to be true. I started at
the beginning, and over about an hour, expressed a summary of what is in my
heart.
After going into detail, and sharing all openly and freely,
he asked a few questions. He agreed I could not pass a temple recommend
interview based on the criteria set forth, and also agreed that some action
needed to take place. He was a bit perplexed however that there was nothing
else “amiss” in my affairs. There was nothing currently requiring any action
other than my beliefs, which are deemed as apostasy by the church. After
listening to all, the bishop leaned into me and said, “brother Reber, I am
happy for you. I know that if you keep pursuing the Lord you will find Him”. He
said it was a bit strange for him to say that, but he felt it right to say none
the less. He assured me I would always be welcome to return, and I assured him
we were brothers, and I would always accept him into my circles with open arms
if he ever sees these things in a different light. In fact, even if he doesn’t
see anything in a different light, he is more than welcome to worship with us,
although it may cost him his membership as well.
He bore testimony to me, I told him I appreciated Him and
that I could and do support him. He was grateful for that, but added that if I
didn’t believe the leadership of the church was speaking for God anymore, then
I couldn’t also believe he was called of God. I agreed that a calling of God
doesn’t come from a “chain of command”, but from God, and that if God supported
Him, and he was seeking the Lord’s will, that I could in fact support his
efforts in acting as an authorized servant. A bishop is one of the most
selfless callings in the church; they are unpaid, and give endlessly. I am
grateful for my bishop’s Christ like service and attitude. We parted ways, and
he asked if he could keep my phone number, I agreed. He asked to have a few
days to discuss the matter with the stake president, and would get back to me
with the best course of action in a couple of days.
We had made the choice as a family months prior, that we
were going to worship the Lord how we felt it most appropriate. Our hearts had
been lead by the Lord in a different direction for quite some time. Like Joseph’s
last vision, we simply had no interest in putting up a fight, or to contend for
the farm. I simply want to go about my way in peace without being critical, and
without contending. I still feel that way. I do not want anyone to feel
condemned in a future day due to my excommunication from the truth I am
receiving, and my willingness to receive it. I want these men at the ward level
to have a clean, clear conscience when they come to the realization of the
truth I have received. I have no intention of putting up a fight, or causing a
commotion to draw any attention to myself. There are many that could condemn me, so why would I ever
want to condemn any other. I may disagree, but God gave us all the right to do
that, and to worship Him however we see fit. Time will tell the truth.
On February 5th, the bishop dropped by and
brought our letters of resignation, which he felt was the most appropriate
course of action. He didn’t have any interest either in causing commotion
apparently. He came over with our neighbor (the executive secretary), who was
one of 3 men that helped us move into our home. It felt fitting that he came
along. He is a very kind man also. We took the letters behind closed doors,
knelt down in prayer and promised the Lord that we would spend the rest of our
lives in His service regardless of the world around us, and no matter the cost
or opposition. We signed the letters and gave them to the bishop. We hugged the
Bishop and our neighbor, and they hugged back. They asked if we would be
willing to still help with our hands if the opportunity arose, and we
immediately agreed. They then departed.
Today, February 14th we received confirmation
that our names had been removed from the records of the church.
I know that this decision may be confusing to family and
friends. I am sure many are feeling pain and sorrow at this choice. I know some
assume we will not be allowed to be together in the celestial kingdom if we forfeit all
the ordinances we have performed within the church. I feel great sorrow that
many are disappointed in us for going down this road. I know my in-laws love
me, but I also know they must feel in some way that I am to blame for what has
become of their daughter. I have so much respect for the lives they have given
within the church. I have been a missionary too, and dedicated my whole self to
serving the Lord. They have done so as well serving as missionaries and
participating in multiple bishoprics. I know how things look and seem at the
moment, I have been where you are. I have fought for the church, supported it,
given it my all. I know how you must be feeling. I am sorry. I love you. I love
the daughter you raised. She is fiercely loyal to the Lord in ways you will someday
more fully appreciate. She got that from you. She is the same daughter who
always sought the Lord and His approval. I can only assure you that in a future
day, we will kneel in unity, in truth, in sheer joy worshiping the same God and
Savior. In that day, we will shed tears of joy at His unmatched mercy and
works.
To my own parents, I feel sorrow as well being seen now in a
different light. It was comfortable and easy to not stand out, not be
different, and to be the son in image you worked hard to create. This is not an
insult to those teachings, but it is a compliment to them. I am doing all in my
power daily to be of service and hear the voice of Christ. I also know there
will come a day we will shed tears of joy as we come to a realization of all things.
The story is playing out right in front of us. It is as it was in the times of
Christ. Individuals were living through scripture that would be revered and
studied by millions. We are now living in, and will be a part of the greatest
times in the history of the world. We are living in the greatest era of
scripture that others will study about throughout eternity. These events will
be seen in a much different light in those days.
Although I want to go peacefully, I think it is also
important to make a few things clear. We had no choice with our memberships as
soon as we didn’t fall in line with the teachings of the church. It was either
renounce what we knew to be true, remain silent, force the excommunication
process, or resign. The instant my beliefs didn’t line up with the brethren, our
options were limited. I will never renounce what I know to be true, I will not
hide my beliefs, and I wasn’t willing to condemn another by forcing the
excommunication process. So resignation was really the only choice we felt
appropriate, unless others had wanted to force the issue.
I want to be clear; we did not WANT to leave the church. Why
would we? Why would we want to disappoint family and friends, be perceived to
be in error, “embarrass” our families, cut a security net of support, be
uncomfortable, and ultimately bring a period of sorrow to many? Why would we
want to participate in any of that, unless we simply have a set of beliefs that
has entered our core, which we are willing to follow at all cost. It is also
because we love YOU! We know that this will be a painful process for many right
now, but if it alerts you to study out what we have, or to reconsider our
present state as a church and a people, then it is worth it. If we didn’t care
about you, we would keep all this to ourselves. We wouldn’t be talking openly,
even while knowing we will be seen as misled by many. It is still worth the
risk of sharing what we know to be true. If what we believe is true, then
destruction of the world and church is eminent. It is near. You will see the
signs of the times ever increasing, and will also see the eventual crumbling of
the church. I hope I am wrong! I defended the institution as you do! I wish I
could believe I am wrong. I wish I could go back to enjoying the super bowl in
some days. This isn’t easy, or popular. If I am wrong, I’m sorry; you haven’t
lost anything by listening to me. However, if what I am saying is true, then
the Lord is waiting to tell YOU how to survive the last days that are coming to
a close. I am willing to embarrass myself, to look like a fool, to look misled,
to look foolish, to forfeit an “inheritance”. Why would I do that? What do I
have to gain? How does this help my self-interest? Frankly, it doesn’t help me.
We aren’t allowed to remain in the church for one simple
reason. It isn’t because of our unwillingness to serve, it isn’t because we
don’t believe in the book of Mormon, it isn’t because we don’t believe in
Joseph Smith, it isn’t that we don’t have a committed marriage and family, it
isn’t because we don’t follow the programs of the church, it isn’t because we
won’t fast, it isn’t because we won’t give to help support others, it isn’t
because of grievous sin, it isn’t because we won’t support other members and
our bishop/stake president, it isn’t because we won’t serve in the temple, it
isn’t that we will not believe in Jesus Christ or our Father in Heaven, it
isn’t that we won’t give our all to the building up of the kingdom of God on
the earth, and to the establishment of Zion. It is because we will not pledge
an oath to a paid clergy of MEN. I would take a bullet for the cause of Christ,
but I will not give my praise, my worship, or my oath to men. Men that have the
SAME standing before God as YOU. If you are sorrowing for our family, then
sorrow in that thought. The reason my membership is forfeit, and my “salvation
lost”, is because I challenge the authority of a group of paid clergy. Slice or
dice it any way you want, your sorrow should be directed at them. I am judged
apostate not out of the scriptures, but out of a secret instruction manual that
neither you nor I have access to without higher “calling”. What do you consider
something that is in the dark? Could it be a set of rules and regulations that
you’re judged by, but do not have access to?
The church I have devoted my entire life to, has forced us
out because we don’t raise our arms to the square and swear an oath-like
indication to a group of men claiming to be prophets and apostles. There is
great reason for sorrow at that idea. They then judged us out of a book I have
never read. It is their right however as the presiding authorities of the
church to make such judgments. There are very serious sins you can commit that
doesn’t cause excommunication or disfellowship. Gross sin can be acceptable
based on your attitude and “potential”. However, the second someone threatens
the power of those sitting in authority, they are cast out almost immediately. There
is no opportunity for understanding, there is no patience, and there is no
place for “apostasy”. I understand the arguments, and although it may sound
like there are some bitter feelings, I am not bitter at these ideas. I am not
complaining. It is the Church’s right to dictate what I can and can’t believe
in order to retain membership of said church. They have every right to do that.
It is up to each of us however, to decide if this is the Lord’s way. If you
believe it is, then we likely will not have much common ground to build on at
the moment, and that is ok. If however you don’t see the Lord in this process,
then maybe there is an opportunity for some dialog.
With all that said, I am deeply, deeply grateful for the
Church. How could I have a testimony of all I do without it? I have been given
wonderful experience and growth through church service. I have realized I am
not saying goodbye to the church, nor am I casting it aside. I am serving the
same Christ I did as a boy, on my mission, and now. He is simply moving me on a
journey by His hand. I do not have to look back with anger, regret or sadness,
because the church was part of the Lord’s plan for me. It was a wonderful
vehicle while I was allowed to stay and participate. Those that are still
members have a wonderful opportunity to study the scriptures, learn in the temple,
serve one another, and seek this Jesus that we all long to know. I am grateful
for all the experience and knowledge I gained from the Church. I am grateful to
have donated my time and money to its cause, I simply believe now is the time
for me to continue on as Christ directs me. I have heard His voice through a
living prophet and I have received the message. It is a little scary, and we do
feel fear at times, but we also feel reassured and great peace in our redeemer.
Maybe in a future day, people like me will be openly welcome in the church, in
the case it would be great to join again to provide service.
At the moment however, I don’t believe the Lord cares what
church we belong to. He is bringing Zion without a top-down mentality, without
a group of priests funneling the information. The gathering is now underway and
He is calling all who will come from the byways to hear from Him. It is now as
it was when He came among the Jews. Study that out. Learn the context of
Christ’s day, and how HIS OWN PEOPLE rejected His voice, His message, and His
messengers. He came in obscurity under the noses of the presiding authorities,
as a thief in the night. He challenged their authority and was ultimately cast
out of the synagogues (temples) and executed. He will come as a thief in the night in our day. His house
is a house of order, he follows the same patterns throughout scripture, therein
is the house of order.
Today (February 14th) we received confirmation
that our records have been removed. The Lord is our valentine today. In Him we
trust. In Him we serve. In Him we hope, as our only hope for salvation and
progression throughout eternity. I’m not willing to not follow my heart. I’m
not willing to compromise what I know to be true. Because I am not allowed to
participate in the church, doesn’t mean I don’t advocate for its members, love
them, and love you! I know this possibly creates a bit of awkwardness with all
the family events (baptisms, confirmations, blessings, weddings etc.), but
please understand we don’t feel it. We will happily come along and support you,
your kids, your grandkids, or anyone else we can show love and support to.
After all, our goals are equivalent! We want to live as family units for the
eternities. We are trying the best we can to achieve that goal and attain
eternal life for ourselves and to serve our loved ones. You are doing the same.
We can focus on what makes us similar, what we have in common, and discuss when
necessary the vehicles that may be different. Don’t feel awkward to invite me
to come and witness an even, even though I may not be able to gather in a
circle within the church. We are with you in desire and love.
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